Miles’ Birth Story Part 1

I have started, stopped, and restarted this post several times. I have not been able to get far enough into it without having a complete and absolute meltdown. This is the point in Miles’ story that I have struggled journaling and writing about… The day leading to being readmitted into the hospital and the week that followed…

Some know of Miles’ birth story and the trauma that we experienced in L&D, ICU and NICU… Something that is extremely difficult to talk or even think about… The anxiety fills my chest, the pain, grief and anger wrap around my heart and make it hard to breathe, tears fill my eyes and my soul weeps for my son… And as I cry as I type this, I hear his wind chimes in the background and am reminded that he is with me… He will always be with me… And his story deserves to be told, his memory deserves to be kept alive, and I will make it my life’s purpose to make sure that he and his sister will never be forgotten…

December 5, 2017. Week 9 of bedrest. A day that started out just like all of the others. Marcus was scheduled to work at the fire station that day and had left early that morning. My wonderful mother had come to stay and take care of me while he was away at work. I ate breakfast, laid in bed and watched tv that morning… But my baby boy, who was always so active, was not moving. He would move so much throughout the entire day, from the time I would wake until the time I would fall asleep… I loved feeling his kicks and seeing my belly move. It is the most amazing feeling and we would always get so excited when we would see his kicks and movement on the outside of my belly, something we had not gotten the chance to see with Brooklyn.

I tried laying on my side and talking to him, but when I still could not feel him move, I immediately called my doctor’s office. They told me to come in and that they would take me straight to ultrasound and that is exactly what we did… Marcus stayed on the phone with me while we were on the way to the doctor and he tried his best to keep me calm. I was so nervous and worried, but as soon as I saw him moving around on the screen, I breathed a sigh of relief… There my boy was… Baby, cervix, amniotic fluid… Everything looked perfect. He had turned transverse (sideways) and we were reassured that everything was fine and that I couldn’t feel his movement due to his positioning. We were sent back home and were scheduled to follow up the next week. I spent the rest of the day in bed and as I laid down, I began to feel him moving around. I smiled, held my belly and tried to fall asleep that night… But before I knew it, it was 2:00 in the morning… And a sudden gush of blood would send us rushing to the hospital…

December 6, 2017. My mother was with me the whole time and Marcus left work and was there as soon as we got to the hospital. The labor and delivery team immediately surrounded me. I was placed on the monitor and the sound of his heart beating filled the room… A sound that I had always loved, a sound that always brought us a sense of peace, and as we felt relieved to hear that beautiful sound, we also felt an overwhelming sense of fear… What was wrong?? Why was I bleeding?? We were terrified… 

The doctor checked my cervix — It was closed, my cerclage was intact. No answers at that point, but orders for an ultrasound, IV fluids, antibiotics, tocolytics, labs and steroid shots to help Miles’ lungs develop were all immediately put into place. The tests were done and my OBGYN and MFM (high risk) specialist saw me… The diagnosis… Placental Abruption…

Normally, the placenta grows onto part of the uterus, supplies the baby with nutrients and oxygen during pregnancy, and remains in place until the baby is born and detaches after delivery. A placental abruption is an uncommon yet serious pregnancy complication in which the placenta detaches from the womb (uterus) too early. This complication usually occurs in the third trimester, but can occur any time after the 20th week of pregnancy. It can separate partially or completely and happens in only about 1% of all pregnant women.

One percent… 

The causes of placental abruption are not completely known… But women may be at risk if they smoke, use cocaine during pregnancy, are over the age of 35, have high blood pressure, are pregnant with multiples, have had a previous placental abruption or experience trauma to the abdomen — none of which were applicable to me. Treatment depends on the severity of the separation and how far along you are in your pregnancy. It can range from bed rest (which I was already on) and close monitoring to delivery, often by cesarean (c-section). My bleeding had appeared to decrease, Miles was being monitored continuously and did not show any signs of distress on the monitor so we were to stay in the hospital on bedrest and the goal was to remain pregnant for as long as possible…

As the day progressed, I began to experience back pain and have contractions… I ended up maxed out on Magnesium Sulfate and a second ultrasound that evening showed a hematoma that had doubled in size… But as long as Miles remained stable and as long as I did not have any further complications, the staff continued to try their best to keep me pregnant… And as I laid helpless in that hospital bed yet again, Marcus and I clung to one another… We hoped, we prayed… And we never stopped praying…

December 7, 2017. Morning came. We had made it through the first day and night… Still clinging onto hope, not knowing that the things were about to go from bad to worse…